We have been working on a lot of developing at my house. Luke recently got his first 2 teeth and Noah just got his first loose tooth. Luke has been trying to crawl for months but has only ever managed a hefty scoot. Well last night, he officially crawled on his hands and knees while chasing after a football. And Noah has his first flag football game this weekend.
We are busy.
Well, last night, Luke also tried meat for the first time. I have been looking for ways to help him sleep a little bit longer at night because he still gets up 3 to 4 times a night to nurse. Gerber makes all kinds of flavors of pureed 2nd-stage baby food that includes a little bit of meat for some added protein. Luke tried turkey and sweet potatoes and seemed to love it.
I watched him closely for a little while after to make sure there were no adverse reactions, Matt and I gave him his bath, and he went to bed right on time. Good night, right?
Well, Luke wakes up at about 11:30pm, which is normal for him. He wasn’t showing his regular signs of being hungry. He was fidgety and wiggly- basically full of gas. Most nights, if he nurses for a minute, it will help him to pass the uncomfortable gas but that just wasn’t working. So, I did all of my gassy-baby tricks. Nothing worked.
Then, when I decided to just give up and snuggle with him, he let out the biggest, wettest, loudest, explosive shit ever and it made Matt sit straight up in bed. Turns out, Luke’s tummy was not a big fan of the turkey and sweet potatoes.
There was yellowish-brown liquid poop all down his leg, and into the footie part of his pajamas. It was everywhere. We get him onto his changing table and he is still squirming a bit. We peel his PJs off him, trying not to cover anything else with poop (failing miserably as we go along), and get his diaper off.
Of course, as Murphy’s Law would have it, the Diaper Genie is full beyond capacity so we have nowhere to put the poopy diaper and the wipes warmer is out of wipes so we have nothing to clean the poop with.
At this point, it’s starting to be hilariously funny because it feels like this stuff only happens to us. We get the wipes refilled, Matt changes the diaper bucket, I get Luke all cleaned up, applying some diaper cream, and then……. Luke has another massive blowout poop all up my arm, all the way to my elbow. Awesome.
Matt takes over and gets Luke another diaper and cleans him up while I get myself cleaned up. We get him in new pajamas and I start rocking him to get him back to sleep. Next thing I hear is another loud, foul-smelling, wet explosion. This one was mostly contained in the diaper but did seep out a bit requiring another pajama change.
It’s well after midnight now and Matt and I are basically giggling at the absurdity of our situation. We get it! You don’t like turkey and sweet potatoes. No need to make such a big deal about it. Surely you’re done (famous last words).
Luke has quit squirming. Seems like the gas and diarrhea are gone. Luke starts sucking on his hands and showing signs of being hungry. He starts to nurse and I see his eyes close as he falls asleep. I can finally let my guard down and relax. Nope.
Luke proceeds to projectile vomit all over me, my pillows, the bed, the headboard, everything. Then, he just falls asleep. Almost like that was the last thing he had to check off of his to-do list for the night.
Meanwhile, I had to change all of my clothes, strip all of my pillows down before finally realizing that it soaked all the way through to the actual pillow, then had to find a new pillow. I could have changed the sheets but we still haven’t washed the other set of sheets from the last time Luke spit up all over them so I just laid a towel down over the mess and went to sleep.
Luke might be a vegetarian now.
Yesterday, Matt and I arrived home from work around the same time. I had to run to the grocery store after work to pick up a few things and Matt picked Noah up from school like always. When I got out of the car, Matt says, “Hey, you might want to come and get your son. It’s been an interesting afternoon.”
I don’t think I was quite prepared for what I was about to see. I walked around Matt’s opened truck door and saw Noah wearing frilly, lacy white socks, thick, all black, orthopedic-looking toddler tennis shoes, his hair was wet, and he had on his “back-up” outfit I send every day just in case he has an accident.
Matt begins to tell me what happened.
As he walked in to Noah’s preschool (and Noah’s class is the very last classroom down a very long hallway), he is smacked in the face with a horrible and pungent smell. As he walks down the hall, the smell gets stronger and stronger. He goes into Noah’s classroom and Noah’s teacher says, “Yeah, you smell that?? That’s your son!”
Turns out, while Noah was playing on the playground, he snuck off to a corner and had (pardon the descriptiveness) massive and explosive diarrhea that ran out of his diaper, through his shorts, down his legs, into his shoes, up his shirt, and (after not being discovered immediately by his teachers) rubbed all in his hair.
His teachers threw him into the sink (while trying to stop the other kids from playing in the poopy mess that Noah left behind) and hosed him off. They threw all of his soiled clothing and shoes into a plastic bag and sealed it up tight.
When Noah finally saw Matt, he runs up to him, pulls up his shirt, rubs his belly and yells, “Noah feel all better!!”
When we got home and got Noah inside, we pulled those horrible black shoes off (clearly rejects left behind in a lost and found box at preschool because no parent would ever purposely put their child in these shoes), removed the lacy white socks which were clearly some random girl’s socks, and tossed Noah in the bathtub. I worked on scrubbing all of the “smell” off of him while Matt dealt with the horrible sealed grocery bag of soiled clothing.
While Noah and I are playing with dinosaurs and bubbles, I hear Matt yell up from downstairs, “UGGHH!! There is a turd in here. A whole turd!! And now there is a turd in the garbage disposal!!”
We spent a good chunk of the rest of the night doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen (with a lot of Lysol and bleach) and right before bed, when I asked Noah if he had a good day, he yelled, with the biggest smile on his face, “Noah Poop!”
Yes you did, buddy. Yes you did.