So apparently, parents don’t need sleep.  No one tells you this.  It’s not in books.  It is not common knowledge and, the other parents that could tell you about it, are too damn tired to bring it up in casual conversation.

With that said, three year olds don’t sleep either.  At least, not when you want them to.  And especially with no kind of consistent pattern.  They also, all of a sudden, have all of these new rules about sleeping.  For example, a certain three year old in my home (who, let me say, previously went to bed on a very standard schedule, needed a dark room, and always slept a minimum of 10 hours at a time) has suddenly decided that he needs 2 night-lights, the hall light on, the bedroom door open, and one of his parents on the floor next to his bed in order to even consider going to sleep.  And, even then, might just flat-out refuse.

Now, (and I want to make this perfectly clear) when I am on the floor, I do NOT sleep.  I also have a very strict rule about putting Noah in the bed with us.  [Mommy and daddy’s bed is not for kids.]  So Matt, being the amazing and selfless individual that he is, has been sleeping on the floor with Noah for the past month since Noah has decided that he is afraid of everything in his room. I keep trying to think of an alternative option and Matt says, “No big deal.  I can sleep where ever.”

This horrible situation has been working for us for the past few weeks.  However, I can’t sleep on the floor and Matt can’t keep sleeping on the floor forever.

Well, last week, Matt had to go out of town for work and I was left to be a single parent of a toddler for 4 days.  This meant, of course, that I would take over “sleeping on the floor” duties while he was away.  The thought of this made me cringe so, without any hesitation, I headed directly to the mattress store, dropped $300 on a very nice twin mattress set, and made a “Mommy bed” in Noah’s room.  I bet you can probably guess what happened next…

Night 1:

Me- “Okay, Noah.  It’s time for you to get in your bed and mommy will get in the bigger bed.”

Noah- “NOOOO!  I want the new, big bed!!!”

Me- “No.  You can sleep in your bed and I can sleep in the big bed.  Or you can sleep in the big bed and I can sleep in my room.  You choose.”

Noah- “But, I’m scared. [Insert super sad Noah face here.]

Me- “If we put your mattress directly on the floor next to my mattress, will that help?”

Noah- “I think so.”

Both of us got a full night’s sleep.

Nights 2 & 3:

Me- “Okay, Noah.  It’s time for you to get in your bed and mommy will get in the bigger bed.”

Noah- “NOOOO!  I want the big bed!!!”

Me- “No.  You can sleep in your bed and I can sleep in the big bed.  Or you can sleep in the big bed and I can sleep in my room.  You choose.”

Noah then runs around his room, playing with toys, pulling the covers off of me, asking for milk, asking to go to the bathroom, and then finally settling down in his bed.

Night 4:

After learning from his teachers that he had several tantrums throughout the day at school, thrown a toy truck at a kid in his class, stolen a prize out of the surprise box, drenched me in gallons and gallons of water during his bath, refused to eat any of his supper, and kicked me more times than I could count, it was finally time for bed.

Me- “Get in your damn bed!”

Noah- “NOOOO!  I want the big bed!!!”

Me- “Fine.”

And now, this is my life.